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Hello friends! Years ago, my husband and I found ourselves in a very unfortunate situation. We’d met some potential new friends and they invited us to their home for dinner. When we arrived, we were, quite frankly, horrified by the state of their home. It was filthy. I mean… we didn’t want to sit down or touch anything because every surface was really and truly filthy. We were young and didn’t know how to handle such a situation, so we sat down at their table and picked our way through a meal that was not good and that we knew had been cooked in a filthy kitchen. It was terrible.
This memory came up in our conversation recently which made me think that pretending to like something that was cooked for you is probably a common experience.
So, have you ever pretended to like someone’s cooking?
I do the same thing. I feel that if I eat something I don't want to eat just because I don't want to waste it, I'm treating my own body like a garbage can.
You should write it up and then get it listed in the FoodStack library! You could even write it into a guest post for the library. There’s more information about being a FoodStack contributor at the top of this post. I think we’d all like that recipe and the opportunity to read the story behind it!
Well, I'm British so I always pretend to like someone's cooking when I'm not fussed.
I remember the first time I went to lunch with an American friend, she complained, quite reasonably, that she was unhappy with her order and sent it back.
I literally didn't realise you could do that! Due to British reserve/weird politeness culture, I will never feel comfortable doing that. I'm always in awe when she does.
i agree, of course, I'm in the US...sometimes busy kitchens just miss and should be happy to comply with reasonable requests. You both seem like good souls.
When my kids were really quite young (under 8) we would have play dates that were often over lunch. On one occasion the food my dear friend had prepared was not well received. My son (bless his heart) announced that ‘the food is not good and tasted kinda bad’, and proceeded to ask if he could he have something else or, he ‘would throw up’. So the earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole sadly, and my friend didn’t skip a beat, she simply offered him a pb and j sandwich, which my other child quickly asked for as well because they also didn’t like lunch.
Once we got in the car to drive home I didn’t scold the kids but, I did say that no matter what never express your dislike (as it would hurt the host’s feelings) for the food that was lovingly prepared for them. All food critiques were to be discussed ONLY in the car on the way home. I am happy to report that no further unsolicited food bashing ever happened (I am exempt to this day from this rule). We have since had a few colourful conversations on the way home en route to a drive thru - but lessons were learned!
😂😂😂 I love this! I remember similar situations with our children where they said something inappropriate just because they were being honest. It's so tricky to teach your kids the careful balance between honesty, kindness, and tact. I think you handled it beautifully!
I left home when I was 19 and every time I go visit my mom I have to pretend I like her food. She was never a good cook, nor did/does she enjoy cooking, but either she has gotten worse over the years or my palate has changed, or something, because it's getting harder and harder to pretend.
I was in the same situation with my mother. She was never fond of cooking, food was bland. But I never critiqued her cooking. I would bring a dish over for meals so that my husband and children had something they considered delicious. If it wasn't for learning from my mother-in-law, I wouldn't have developed into a good cook myself.
I have, on a couple of occasions, accepted a dinner invitation with the offer to make the meal and bring it with me. As it sounds like is true with your mother, if someone's cooking is not great, it's often because they don't want to do it. Like your bringing something with you to your mother's house, bringing dinner to them can work out for everyone.
Like the way I approach my friendships, I'm always as able to find some good in people, imperfect as we all are, as to find something pleasing in their cooking. Most of the time, when invited to dinner in homes, I'm being served order-out or pre-prepared food, so, I'm grateful if you took the time to cook me a meal. It's the super-salty Costco rotisserie chicken served and the uber-expensive catered pasta alfredo and tenderloin friends have served that my husband and I faux-cooed over. We play-acted slicing and pretend eating as we surreptitiously buried the food under chicken bones and gristle left on the plate.
Haha! I love this. And, like you, I am always so grateful when someone else wants to cook for me. My husband and I are not picky and will happily eat almost anything. But, there have been a couple of situations similar to the one you describe here where we try to strike a balance between not making ourselves feel sick and not hurting the person's feelings.
It is a constant battle. Sending food back is one thing — there’s usually something wrong with it (undercooked, wrong order). But I want to hear about the Larry Davids telling their true internal thoughts about someone’s cooking. I think an additional question might be “have you ever not pretended to like someone’s cooking?” Like just gave their honest opinion, unprompted. In the most polite of ways, of course.
I most definitely have pretended to like someone’s cooking, though.
Like at Alinea, I pretended to like the truffle course. I hate truffle. Was I going to send it back? Absolutely not, we were at Alinea. Did I eat it all? Yes. Was my husband having a hard time holding his amusement in? 100%.
I once went to interview a bunch of kids who were camping in the forest with their youth group. They were doing campfire cooking as part of the experience and served up cauliflower in cheese sauce with lemon juice squuezed over it which of course made it curdle. I was invited to join them for dinner and consumed a very small portion. I hadn't gone for a gourmet experience though.
I can picture it! 😂 I had a similar situation with a couple of our nieces a few years ago where we were like, "It's so sweet of you to have made this for us!" while trying to hide how little of it we were actually eating. We were so touched that they make it! But also, we couldn't eat much of it. 🙄
I did have this experience once, it was at a supper club type event where I was gifted a free ticket. They has lots of seats open (the event could have probably seated 20) but unfortunately there were only five of us there—including the two hosting/cooking. Most of the dishes were fine, but one of them was like the worst thing I ever ate and I had to sit there with the hosts and pretend that I liked it. I think they even asked us what we thought of that specific one as we were eating it and it was very hard to smile and nod and say it was tasty.
I feel for you! I am so conflicted in situations (food or otherwise) where someone is asking for a subjective opinion and I don't care for it. It's so tricky wanting to approach the situation with authenticity and honestly while also really not wanting to be unkind and unnecessarily hurt the person's feelings.
What a fascinating question! I can honestly say, actually no, I’ve never fully pretended to like someone’s cooking. I might have expressed it diplomatically, but I’ve always voiced my sentiment directly. Perhaps this is a perk (if you can call it that) of having lived so long disconnected from my exiled self, without needs or any solid self-concept for nearly 45 years.
In moments like these, speaking my truth has come more naturally—though it's something I’ve often been “accused” of in the past. “Must you say it so directly?” they’d ask. But honesty, in the end, felt like the only real option, even if it came as a surprise to others.
All the time. I even pretend to like my own cooking sometimes when I don't want to admit I made a mistake 😂
This actually made me laugh out loud. 😂
Haha. My late husband would say , “throw it out.” I now do that and then say sorry planet! Then I make something I know I like
I do the same thing. I feel that if I eat something I don't want to eat just because I don't want to waste it, I'm treating my own body like a garbage can.
Exactly! Loved your T'giving piece. I wish I'd known. Would love to write about my Mum's bread stuffing recipe. Maybe I will!
You should write it up and then get it listed in the FoodStack library! You could even write it into a guest post for the library. There’s more information about being a FoodStack contributor at the top of this post. I think we’d all like that recipe and the opportunity to read the story behind it!
Well, I'm British so I always pretend to like someone's cooking when I'm not fussed.
I remember the first time I went to lunch with an American friend, she complained, quite reasonably, that she was unhappy with her order and sent it back.
I literally didn't realise you could do that! Due to British reserve/weird politeness culture, I will never feel comfortable doing that. I'm always in awe when she does.
😂 I love this!
I only send food back if it's still frozen in the middle or something like that. It is a British affliction.
It is a British affliction!!
I am remembering the one time I sent food back (it wasn't frozen, but it was very cold in the middle) and I felt so guilty. Like it was my fault!
i agree, of course, I'm in the US...sometimes busy kitchens just miss and should be happy to comply with reasonable requests. You both seem like good souls.
Oh absolutely. They should be able to handle feedback! I have no idea why it is so uncomfortable for me.
When my kids were really quite young (under 8) we would have play dates that were often over lunch. On one occasion the food my dear friend had prepared was not well received. My son (bless his heart) announced that ‘the food is not good and tasted kinda bad’, and proceeded to ask if he could he have something else or, he ‘would throw up’. So the earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole sadly, and my friend didn’t skip a beat, she simply offered him a pb and j sandwich, which my other child quickly asked for as well because they also didn’t like lunch.
Once we got in the car to drive home I didn’t scold the kids but, I did say that no matter what never express your dislike (as it would hurt the host’s feelings) for the food that was lovingly prepared for them. All food critiques were to be discussed ONLY in the car on the way home. I am happy to report that no further unsolicited food bashing ever happened (I am exempt to this day from this rule). We have since had a few colourful conversations on the way home en route to a drive thru - but lessons were learned!
😂😂😂 I love this! I remember similar situations with our children where they said something inappropriate just because they were being honest. It's so tricky to teach your kids the careful balance between honesty, kindness, and tact. I think you handled it beautifully!
well done!
Sometimes. But, I try to remember the time & effort that someone put in to make me a meal, can sometimes taste better than the food itself.
I left home when I was 19 and every time I go visit my mom I have to pretend I like her food. She was never a good cook, nor did/does she enjoy cooking, but either she has gotten worse over the years or my palate has changed, or something, because it's getting harder and harder to pretend.
I was in the same situation with my mother. She was never fond of cooking, food was bland. But I never critiqued her cooking. I would bring a dish over for meals so that my husband and children had something they considered delicious. If it wasn't for learning from my mother-in-law, I wouldn't have developed into a good cook myself.
I have, on a couple of occasions, accepted a dinner invitation with the offer to make the meal and bring it with me. As it sounds like is true with your mother, if someone's cooking is not great, it's often because they don't want to do it. Like your bringing something with you to your mother's house, bringing dinner to them can work out for everyone.
Ugg. Family situations like this are so tricky, aren't they? I have been in similar situations and never have any idea how to handle them.
Like the way I approach my friendships, I'm always as able to find some good in people, imperfect as we all are, as to find something pleasing in their cooking. Most of the time, when invited to dinner in homes, I'm being served order-out or pre-prepared food, so, I'm grateful if you took the time to cook me a meal. It's the super-salty Costco rotisserie chicken served and the uber-expensive catered pasta alfredo and tenderloin friends have served that my husband and I faux-cooed over. We play-acted slicing and pretend eating as we surreptitiously buried the food under chicken bones and gristle left on the plate.
Haha! I love this. And, like you, I am always so grateful when someone else wants to cook for me. My husband and I are not picky and will happily eat almost anything. But, there have been a couple of situations similar to the one you describe here where we try to strike a balance between not making ourselves feel sick and not hurting the person's feelings.
I have not personally had this experience, but it makes me anxious just thinking about that filthy house and food you had to eat.
It was not pleasant. 😂
It is a constant battle. Sending food back is one thing — there’s usually something wrong with it (undercooked, wrong order). But I want to hear about the Larry Davids telling their true internal thoughts about someone’s cooking. I think an additional question might be “have you ever not pretended to like someone’s cooking?” Like just gave their honest opinion, unprompted. In the most polite of ways, of course.
I most definitely have pretended to like someone’s cooking, though.
Like at Alinea, I pretended to like the truffle course. I hate truffle. Was I going to send it back? Absolutely not, we were at Alinea. Did I eat it all? Yes. Was my husband having a hard time holding his amusement in? 100%.
Haha! I have no idea what your husband looks like but I have a visual in my head of that whole situation. 😂
I once went to interview a bunch of kids who were camping in the forest with their youth group. They were doing campfire cooking as part of the experience and served up cauliflower in cheese sauce with lemon juice squuezed over it which of course made it curdle. I was invited to join them for dinner and consumed a very small portion. I hadn't gone for a gourmet experience though.
I can picture it! 😂 I had a similar situation with a couple of our nieces a few years ago where we were like, "It's so sweet of you to have made this for us!" while trying to hide how little of it we were actually eating. We were so touched that they make it! But also, we couldn't eat much of it. 🙄
I did have this experience once, it was at a supper club type event where I was gifted a free ticket. They has lots of seats open (the event could have probably seated 20) but unfortunately there were only five of us there—including the two hosting/cooking. Most of the dishes were fine, but one of them was like the worst thing I ever ate and I had to sit there with the hosts and pretend that I liked it. I think they even asked us what we thought of that specific one as we were eating it and it was very hard to smile and nod and say it was tasty.
I feel for you! I am so conflicted in situations (food or otherwise) where someone is asking for a subjective opinion and I don't care for it. It's so tricky wanting to approach the situation with authenticity and honestly while also really not wanting to be unkind and unnecessarily hurt the person's feelings.
What a fascinating question! I can honestly say, actually no, I’ve never fully pretended to like someone’s cooking. I might have expressed it diplomatically, but I’ve always voiced my sentiment directly. Perhaps this is a perk (if you can call it that) of having lived so long disconnected from my exiled self, without needs or any solid self-concept for nearly 45 years.
In moments like these, speaking my truth has come more naturally—though it's something I’ve often been “accused” of in the past. “Must you say it so directly?” they’d ask. But honesty, in the end, felt like the only real option, even if it came as a surprise to others.